I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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