drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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