So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
