Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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