Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
