I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
