I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
