I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
do herpes really smell.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
