My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
