I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
