I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
