I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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