My girlfriend figured out who you are.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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