dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
