Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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