Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
