Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
