You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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