Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
