her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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