Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
