guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize