guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
