bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
