I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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