haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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