Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
