It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
