He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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