Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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