you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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