she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
