I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize