He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
