You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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