id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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