she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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