I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize