shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
