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I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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