When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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