That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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