I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ketchup is God's man juice
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
