Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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