is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize