Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
