Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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