:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
