your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
