ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize