I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
