the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
