Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
