Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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