you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
