have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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