It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
third nipple confirmed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
