omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
