Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
