He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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