it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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