the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
