I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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