Pass out mid-funnel last night.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
