so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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