Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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