i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize