I think my fart just growled at me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
