So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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