he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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