we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
