I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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