Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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