Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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