Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
