"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
