dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
