someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize