this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
