A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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