Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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