hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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