I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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